Now hear then, my children, the holy words of the Book of Ufies, chapter one, verses 1 through 11:
1 In the beginning was the net, and the net was /dev/null and without UF. 2 Then Iliad looked unto the net and saw that it was without UF. 3 So seeing, Iliad did a mighty creation create, and lo, the internet was no longer /dev/null, but now contained therein UserFriendly, and it was kewl. 4 And the people of the net saw that it was no longer /dev/null, and lo, there was much rejoicing, and they did feast upon the lamb and the sloths and the orangutans, and the author was told to skip a bit further on, eh? 5 Lo, there came a time when the fans of UF cried out, "We need a place to gather, that we may be one and converse," and so it was that #userfriendly came to be on the Undernet, and it was good. 6 And some gathered together and said amongst themselves, "Why should IRC have all the fun. Let us make unto ourselves a mail list, that we might converse and flirt with cute ISP sales people in the Land of Oz whilst we work," or something to that effect. 7 And, lo, in the land of Eh?s there resided a woman, dark of hair and long of whip who said, "Yea, thou shalt have a mail list even as thou desirest, and I shall be thy mistress, and thou shalt call me 'List Bitch'." 8 And so saying, she girded up her corset, straightened her garters and caused Mongo to create the maillist, and the people were glad and they rejoiced with great rejoicing, and they did feast upon yams the size of goiters and goiters the size of your head. 9 And soon the people of the maillist and the people of the Irc said amongst themselves, "We are now a great people with many persons of many lands, yea even unto the Land of Oz. 10 It is, therefore that we have a name, that we may become one people united in our devotion to UF and it's creator, Illiad." 11 And so they called themselves, at first many names, but finally decided that should callest themselves 'Ufies', meaning 'those who have way too much time on their hands that could be better spent updating their web pages or resumes, rather than flirting with cute ISP workers in Sidney and California.'

1 And, lo, it came to pass that there rose up amongst the UFies a cute techie named Jonathan who didst work for a mighty ISP named JPSnet. And Jonathan didst lust a great lust, for he was without companionship. 2 And so Jonathan of JPS didst commence to woo a cute UFie, young Sarah of Oz, saying, "Hey, baby, wanna meet me for coffee at the Brisbane airport?" But she spurned his heartfelt entreaties, saying, "Uh, I'm in Sydney, nowhere near Brisbane." 3 And, lo, he was agrieved, and gnashed his teeth, and called forth imprecations upon the unkind fates that sundered him from the object of his desire. 4 Whilst Jonathan of the Bay didst continue his flirtatious advances with young Sarah of Oz, he didst also commence to attempt the wooing of Kethryvis of Stockton, saying, "Hey, baby, wanna see my Mac?" To which she replied, "Oh, vile infidel! Thou art mine sworn enemy for thou dost work for a rival ISP. Nay, I shall ne'er lay eyes, nor hands upon thy foul MacIntosh!" 5 And, lo, it came to pass that the flirtatious e-mails of Sarah and Jon didst come to reach great proportions and Mongo did say unto the ListBitch, "Och, Capt'n! The engines kinna take much more! 12. They're already processing 16,000 messages a day for the list! Ennahmore and my ISP will close doon the list, aye!" 6 And, lo, ListBitch did look out upon the UFie nation and did descry amongst them a great unrest, for many began to abandon the flock, and a single name was upon their lips. Finally, one amongst them cried forth and pointed the Fickle Finger of Fate, saying, "Thou, Sarah of Oz, thou art to blame!" And a great host did rise up against her. 7 And, lo, the forces of Darkness overwhelmed even the staunchest friends of little Sarah of Oz and they shunned her. 8 And there was great lamentations, weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, lo, even amongst the toothless, for they did see their betrayal and were ashamed. 9 And Sarah didst shed tears full bitter upon her keyboard and it didst short out causing a general protection fault upon her screen which triggered a negative hysterisis backflow onto the network, yea unto the mighty server itself, bringing the entire system unto the state of Crash. 10 And a voice saidest unto Sarah, "Arise my child and weep no more, for thy destiny lyeth in land of swimming pools and movie stars. 11 Take thy 386 unto the land fill and dispose of it thereof, pack that which thou holdest dear and journey thereto, for in the Valley of the Shadow of the Apple shalt thou find rest...or maybe a nice duplex in San Jose..."

1 And lo, it came to pass that the spirit of UFieness stirred within the bosom of young Sarah of Oz and she didst desirest to see great masses of crystalized water in its natural habitat. 2 And she didst give her war cry of "SSSSSNNNNNOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!" which was heard unto the shores of the New World and, yea, even unto the deep maple forests of the land of "eh?s". 3 So saying, and with the many good wishes of her friends and fellow UFies she did say unto her PHB, 4 "Yea, thou art a sleazoid ***hole who dost lust a great lust for my bod which thou shalt ne'er touch; 5 therefore, I say unto thee, 'I'm outta here'" which in the land of UFie is Strine for "Ciao, baby". 6 And, lo, didst young Sarah terminate her employment thereunto. 7 And she said unto her sister, Keth of the Many Colored Hair, "Hast thou any task which I perform, thereby earning my sustenance?" 8 And Keth of the MCH didst reply, "Oh, sister mine, I shall endeavor to find thee gainful employment with my masters, but beware, for the Evil Guardian of our shores, the dread INS, hath much to say on this matter." 9. And, lo, Keth of the MCH spake unto her the truth, for yea and verily thus didst the INS spake unto young Sarah, 10 "Thou art not worthy of the visa of work, oh cutest of Aussies, but thou mayest have instead the visa of visiting. 11 Thou mayest see with thine own eyes the glory of the States United, but lingerest thou for no more than 90 days, else we shall send thy tushie back to Sidney most unceremoniously." 12 And young Sarah of Oz didst reply, with a cry of "I'M NOT CUTE DAMNIT!" 13 And she didst moan and groan and gnash her teeth. 14 And there arose great lamentations from the nation of UFies, weeping and wailing amongst the denizens thereof. 15 And at last young Sarah didst say, "Fine then, I am going unto Canada where I needeth not a visa to find gainful employment." 15 So saying, she didst hop a flight to Vancouver, BC in the land of Eh?s, the better to drop in on Illiad. Here endeth the Third Chapter of the High Holy History of the UFies.

1 And lo, it came to pass one day that Kethryvis of the Many Colored Hair declared a great declaration, saying, 2 "Many and long hath been the days I have dwelt upon the list, but now I must hie myself hence and depart this great land. 3 Though many and sundry I shall miss, this I must do." 4 And so began a great exodus called thereafter 'The Great Unsubbing'. 5 And lo, a great sadness dwelt upon UFie Nation. 6 For eight days and eight nights there was much wringing of hands and tearing of hair and many did moan and groan and gnash their teath. 7 And many were the fallen, some of whose names are attached hereunto: 8 Marlene of the Babbling Tongue and Latheos the Flirtatious and Tiffiany, also known as Tirani, the ListVixen. 9 Yea, these and many more didst depart our land, and yea, we wept, at least until the ListGoddess, Godmoma herself intervened and didst mention the secret word "s*x" and all returned to what didst pass for normal in those days.

1 And lo, a decree came down to those who would form the UFie Commune. 2 "Let all who would join our commune dye their hair scarlet like unto our idols of delight, Tabby, Suzana, Dane and CaraMia, that their neighbors and friends and co-workers and waterbed dealers shall stand agape and gasping at the sight thereof. 3 The color shall be red and red shall be the coloring of their hair. 4 Blonde shall it not be unless it be then be darkened unto red. 5 Brown is right out." 6 And Godmoma and Latheos and others didst protest saying, "I thinkest not," and their hair remained blonde and brown and, yea, even black in their recalcitrance. 7 And there, the matter didst drop for it didst lack the support of so much as an A cup brassiere.